ALIVE & guilty

May 7th, around 4 am I left for work.

I remember thinking about the disagreement my husband and I had the night before.

I remember thinking about not waking up in time to workout like I usually do.

I remember thinking about getting to the gym fast enough to start my day and forget about all my problems.

I remember the music being loud enough to drown out all of negative things I was focusing on.

I remember not praying the night before or the morning of because I irritated at God.

all of a sudden…. BOOM.

I was hit.

I woke up with strangers asking if I was okay or alive? I couldn’t quite catch my breathe but I whispered “I’m okay.”

Everything was a daze.

Is everyone else okay?

Where is my phone?

I have to call chad.

Am I okay?

I couldn’t get a hold of anyone and I could not stop shaking. All the pain in my left side, started to creep up and I thought the worse.

After strangers prayed over me and called 911, I decided to get out of the truck.

I remember saying to myself

“Kris, you’re okay. Just breathe. You’re alive. You’re okay. Just breathe. Everyone else is okay.”

To my knowledge I didn’t know what happened, but I was told and guilt set in.

I ran a red light.

All of life’s troubles were weighing down on me and caused me to not pay attention on what was important. I lost control of my mind, emotions, and actions. Therefor, I messed up.

Everyone was so kind to me and helped me out to the best of their ability.

I’ll skip all the details and share this with you…

I’m alive.

I am alive.

I thank God that I am alive and everyone is alive.

What causes me so much guilt and pain, is that I coach others on how to take control of their mental and physical state. I coach others on being mentally strong and physically strong.

Am I a fraud?

Am I a con artist?

Am I fake?

All of the these terrible things surface my thoughts and bring me more pain than my injuries themselves.

Although I failed, I will still encourage myself and YOU to

Pray no matter what.

Take control of your thoughts.

Take control of your actions.

Take control of yourself.

We will all have sucky things that happen but those sucky things can’t take over you.

Breathe. Pray. Show yourself grace. Take control.

no argument, no busy day, no circumstances should take over you to the point that it causes you distraction in the most important of times.

You are in control.

Go be great,

I believe in you.


Kris Claborn