Restless

Should I nap or workout?

These have been my two activities I’ve tried to cycle through.

Working out makes me feel so strong , so distracted, so worthy, so powerful, so in control of my life.

Napping is helpful because I can’t sleep at night.

I’m so restless.

But…napping makes me feel guilty so I don’t normally take this route unless it’s forced upon me aka can’t keep my eyes open.

What these both have in common is that I am distracted by my reality.

You see,

There is a deeper reasoning as to why I go for activities that keep me distracted, feeling strong, empowered, busy..ect.

“Kris why don’t you rest?

“Kris you need to take an off day”

yikessss… I’ll pass.

I avoid these not because I don’t like them… but because I’m avoiding something.

I’m going to be so vulnerable… but PLEASE, don’t feel sorry for me. Please save the I’m sorry’s for someone else. I’m writing this in hopes that someone else needs to hear it.

I’ve sat in silence and asked, Kris, what are you avoiding?

My therapist has really helped me through this..

(I go to New Vision Counseling in OKC; Summer Smith)

————————————————————————-

Ok ok…

DANG, THIS IS TOUGH.

Here it goes…

I’m avoiding vulnerability.

I’m avoiding loneliness.

I’m avoiding pain.

I’m avoiding thoughts.

I’m avoiding struggle.

But why?

There are a lot of reasons.

Especially stemming from my childhood;

but right now, I’ll talk about this;

I’m sure some of you have an idea or have atleast asked “hmmm what’s going on with my gurl, KFIT?” I’ve seen your messages and have been told lol Thanks for thinking of me fam. It means a lot, seriously.

The point is that I’m in the biggest storm of my life. It’s on the ends of it’s days, but it’s still just as powerful.

When I’m going through a storm… I struggle with sitting in it. I struggle with just letting the rain pour on me, instead of swimming for safety.

Should I swim for safety?

If so, I will get exhausted and will start to drown.

If I wait it out, yes, it’ll suck and it’ll be hell, but it doesn’t rain forever.

So, instead of napping or working out, I’m working on doing nothing. Sitting in the rain, until the sun comes out and I feel warmth on my tan skin.

I encourage you to dig deeper.

What are you avoiding and why?

None of us are perfect.

None of us have it all together.

People will judge you and comment on your life, no matter if you nap, workout, or do nothing.

WHO CARES.

Do you, lil momma.

Dig deeper to level up to understand yourself.

Dig deeper to take the right action.

You are so amazing.

You are so strong.

You are so worthy.

No matter what you go through, GROW THROUGH IT.

I don’t know what my future looks like but I do know that whether I workout, nap, or do nothing… God’s got me.

He’s got you too.

So in this restlessness, be okay with not being okay.

Go be great,

I believe in you.

KFIT

p.s.

Please check out Brene Brown (video linked down below)

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Grow through what you go through
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Kris Claborn